An unveiled mystery...
Welcome back, Bingers! I know it's been like a year since I've created content. Please forgive ya girl; I have no good excuse, but I'm back 😁. Today's hot topic is about divorce and it's going to get real in here—for the single and satisfied, the single and hoping to marry, for the happily married, for the broken in marriages, for the divorced, for the widowed, and for the remarried.
Why?
Well, marriage is not as much about two people falling in love as it is about an infinite God of love, making an everlasting covenant with His people. Marriage (and divorce) as it pertains to our relationship with God has eternal ramifications and our experience on earth is only but a shadow. Like I said, it's finna get REAL real; please proceed with caution. Be prepared to be blown away by the extreme intentionality of God!
The Biblical Metaphor
Reading the entire Bible can be very daunting for most. I mean 66 books, 1,189 chapters, and roughly 31,000 verses. It's a big book. Not to mention the number of supplementary texts and different translations you will likely read along the way to really grasp the full meaning. It's no joke and I get it! But when we fail to binge our Bible, we miss large chunks of who God is, and that knowledge shapes our daily and eternal reality. My brothers and sisters, if you have never considered reading your entire Bible, please reconsider!
I'm so grateful to all who encouraged me to read the Bible for myself because it illuminated the heart of God more than any singular book, chapter or verse ever could. It helps us discern difficult topics like divorce with great clarity and context. I start here because one of the most compelling metaphorical threads that strings the whole text together is marriage. Don't get me wrong, you will actually see this metaphor in various pockets of the Bible, but it really hits when you see the motif consistently from start to finish. Let me show you what I mean.
Past
While the old covenant was still in full effect, one of the many ways God related with the chosen people was as a husband to an adulterous wife. I didn't really understand the significance of this depiction through the story of Hosea until I had the whole picture in view. As you may know, the Israelites were quite frequently "unfaithful." They consistently engaged in all manner of sin, namely idolatry, which ignited the wrath of God. God would always send His prophets to communicate His disapproval. Mind you, during this time, prophets weren't famous fortune tellers that folks flock to as they do today. They were messengers of God often burdened with delivering harsh revelation to the people. Hosea was one of many who had a difficult message that was not just spoken but lived.
Hosea 3:1
"Then the Lord said to me, “Go again, love a woman who is loved by her husband, yet is committing adultery, as the Lord loves the sons of Israel, though they turn to other gods and love raisin cakes.”
Some false teachers misinterpret this text to mean that believers can pursue an unequally yoked marriage. First of all, the Bible does not contradict itself (read 2 Corinthians 6:14-16) and secondly, Hosea does not represent you but represents God. YOU (and I) happen to be the prostitute in this narrative if you're looking for a parallel. God, very lucidly contrasted His love and faithfulness towards the Israelites with the Israelites' unfaithfulness through the marriage of Hosea and the prostitute. Now you might be wondering, why would God marry a prostitute—aka humanity—we are by nature unfaithful. Well, just like how prostitution brings about self-destruction so does the sin of humanity, yet instead of outcasting or leaving the prostitute to ruins as we would, God, compelled by His very loving nature, binds Himself to us to transform us. This brings us right into the New Covenant.
Present
In the New Covenant, the old covenant marriage with Israel ends through the death of Jesus Christ. Not a divorce but death. We have also been separated from the Law through our death.
Romans 7:2-6
"For the married woman is bound by law to her husband as long as he is alive; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband. So then, if while her husband is alive she gives herself to another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress if she gives herself to another man.
Therefore, my brothers and sisters, you also were put to death in regard to the Law through the body of Christ, so that you might belong to another, to Him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit for God. For while we were in the flesh, the sinful passions, which were brought to light by the Law, were at work in the parts of our body to bear fruit for death. But now we have been released from the Law, having died to that by which we were bound, so that we serve in newness of the Spirit and not in oldness of the letter."
Christ then proposes with the ring that is the Holy Spirit, through which He promises to marry us in the end. Now this is a metaphor so don't make the mistake of conflating our marriage to Christ to mean we are not also His co-heirs as brothers and sisters, etc. He is all of those things, but Christ chooses to also illuminate His powerful covenant with us through the symbolism of marriage—stay focussed.
Note that the Church is the bride—not yet the wife of Christ. This new covenant era is actually our time to prepare for our marriage to Christ (Matthew 25:1-13). We are pledged to be married or "engaged" if you will. The Holy Spirit is both our guarantee (Ephesians 1:13-14) and our helper (John 14:26) in this prep stage. So when do we actually become wedded to Christ you ask? Let's take a sneak peek into the future.
Future
Though we are connected to Christ through the Holy Spirit, we are still contaminated by our flesh. When we die, those who have believed in the gospel (the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus) will be glorified like Jesus. This dying flesh will shed and a new incorruptible body will replace it (1 Corinthians 15:53). It is only when we are like Him—glorified in perfection—that we can become wedded to Him. This is the ceremony described in Revelation.
"Let us be glad and rejoice and give Him glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His wife has made herself ready." And to her it was granted to be arrayed in fine linen, clean and bright, for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints. Then he said to me, “Write: ‘Blessed are those who are called to the marriage supper of the Lamb!’” And he said to me, “These are the true sayings of God.”
And the two shall become one.
The Symbolic Value & Weight
Why do I start here in a conversation about divorce? God purposefully chooses the most intimate life-long relationship known to man to describe His relationship with His chosen people, giving us an idea of how committed He is to us. Thus a marriage that follows His prescribed order (Ephesians 5:22:33), serves as an evangelical tool bearing witness to the radical way in which Christ loves His Church and vice versa. Generations of people can come to know the love of God and find salvation for their souls by how well we reflect the love of Christ through marriage. Divorce gives a false testimony of the faithful character of God. Marriage is a mission field - that is the gargantuan symbolic weight it carries.
The Clauses & Conditions
While marriage is supposed to reflect Christ's perfect love towards the Church, it does not mean God has not left us very practical ways to handle human failure and conflict:
*In every offense, forgive (Colossians 3:13).
*In hard times, empathize and have compassion (Colossians 3:12; Romans 12:15).
*Be patient and seek to understand (Proverbs 4:7; Amos 3:3).
*In minor irreconcilable situations, consult the church first (1 Corinthians 6:1-6).
*In major/life-threatening situations, like physical abuse - take legal action (Romans 13:1-4).
So when can I get a divorce??...you must be wondering. The Pharisees asked a similar question. Jesus went as far as to say that Moses allowed for the certificate of divorce because of our hardened hearts, but at the start of humanity, there was no such thing. We want a divorce because our love is broken. Our love does not suffer long. Our love is not unconditional. And even though we were given hearts of flesh in exchange for stone, we are still in broken bodies in a broken world. There are many theories about when one can divorce. I of course only subscribe to what the Bible says and if you are a believer you should too. Not what your apostle or pastor said, but what God says. And when in doubt, follow the general arch of Scripture.
Thus Jesus gives us two conditions for divorce:
Condition 1
If you got married while you were an unbeliever and you converted to Christianity but your unbelieving spouse didn't and wants to leave you, he/she may leave. However, you cannot divorce your unbelieving spouse if he/she does not want to divorce you (1 Corinthians 7:12-16). Can you remarry if you're left? The debate as it stands is this: You can remarry because in this condition, you weren't a believer when you first got married so you were not bound to Christ's principles until your rebirth in Christ. This is a popular theory BUT my position is no, because there is no Scripture to support it and within this same context, Paul tells believers that their options are to return to their spouse or remain unmarried (1 Corinthians 7:10-11). Why? Well, we are bound to who we marry until death.
1 Corinthians 7:39
"A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord."
Condition 2
You can divorce your spouse if they cheat, as in if he/she has sex with someone else. Can you remarry if you divorce a cheater? The popular position is yes, especially in the way the text reads. Additionally, divorce means a termination of marriage, thus, if God is permitting divorce, He is terminating the marriage making it so that you are no longer bound and thus free to remarry.
Matthew 19: 8-11
"Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given."
While this is a very biblically sound read of the text, I would advise not to use it as a loophole. If one remarries yet another cheater, would they then be at liberty to divorce and remarry a third, fourth, or fifth time? We must have a reverence for marriage as ones who are betrothed to Christ. Even the disciples understood the magnitude of this commitment from this very passage. This is why leaning on the overarching message of the Bible is critical so that we don't find ourselves manipulating the text to suit our flesh. Instead, we must contend with the permanency of Christ's marriage to us and our duty to replicate it (to the best our our ability) before we enter or exit marriage. The bottom line is this: God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16).
It is easy to get discouraged by the prevalence of failed marriages surrounding us. If I'll be honest my parents' divorce nearly 26 years ago still affects me today. But let us encourage ourselves in this—with man, it may seem impossible, but with God, all things are possible (Matthew 19:26).
Forgiveness & Redemption
I remember sitting through a very convicting sermon several weekends ago, wincing after each word because I was guilty as charged. If you're feeling that right now, I can empathize with you and I want you to settle your soul. A contrite and repentant heart God will not despise! Christ does not condemn those who are His, He only asks that you go and sin no more. We are all in the process of sanctification. Feeling convicted is good - it's proof that His Spirit is really in you, but feeling guilty to the point of self-pity is not of God. Christ has forgiven and sealed us with His Holy Spirit. He will give you the power to overcome the sin and pain of divorce.
Your life is not over.
Prepare for the Heavenly marriage to come by serving the least of these, sharing the gospel, reading His Word, and praying. Be sanctified and uplifted by community, and fellowship in the body of Christ. This holy love story is unraveling before our very eyes and it only gets better from here! You, my friend, are the beloved bride of Christ!
Thanks for binging with me! Let's chat again soon.✌🏿