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  • Writer's pictureLexine

The Seal of Sex

Updated: Sep 14, 2021


"...and the two shall become one flesh; so they are no longer two, but one flesh."

Mark 10:8


Sex creates brand new human life...

Sex releases the highest dose of pleasure known to man...

Sex consummates a lifetime covenant...

Is sex the seal that makes the two, one flesh?

Bible Bingers, let's talk about sex and soul ties.





Soul Ties or Flesh Ties?

I know y'all wanted a blog post on soul ties, but the word soul ties is not found in the bible. The concept—if taken literally—might not even be biblical to be brutally honest. I mean urban dictionary defines it as so: A spiritual/emotional connection you have with someone after being intimate with them, namely through sexual intercourse. MAYBE an emotional connection? But I wouldn't call it a soul tie because that word gives the impression that sex bonds people spiritually and therefore eternally. And that is not true. Now you might be thinking about David and Jonathan's friendship, but that would not apply here because a soul tie requires sex. Additionally, 1st Samuel 18:1 says David and Jonathan had one spirit which can be true of any pair or group of people who are equally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14-15). I'll revisit this concept again a few sentences down. So no such thing as soul ties in the literal sense.


BUT...a flesh tie is a thing! Can I get cred for coining that term? A flesh tie would mesh well with the urban dictionary definition in that sex does create an intimate, emotional, mental, and literal physical bond or tie to a person. For those of you insisting that sex is spiritual, I'll give you this: while sex is for marriage and marriage is for our experience here on earth, marriage is also a reflection of a heavenly one to come. Therefore, you can say that sex is symbolic of a spiritual bond, but only symbolic. If you are equally yoked in marriage though, you definitely have an actual spiritual bond, not because of sex, but because you share in one spirit as David and Jonathan did. This spirit is the Holy Spirit of God. In fact, all true Believers have that same intense spiritual bond because of the shared Holy Spirit in all of us. You and your husband or wife may actually lack a spiritual bond if y'all are unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14-15) for you do not share in one Spirit—Mm! The Word is good huh?!


Now that that's out the way, let's talk about the other more obvious bonds. Sex definitely creates an emotional and mental bond. You say it was a one-night stand, so there is no emotional attachment. Well, here is the thing, the emotional and mental attachment is caused by the release of Oxytocin when you have sex. You can numb its effects I guess, but if we are just looking at the Science which we all love and trust, 🙄 there is certainly a tie happening there. Finally, sex—of course—creates a physical bond. I don't want to get explicit on here...you can read Songs of Solomon for all that! But yes, the physical act of sex is like two complementary puzzle pieces coming together, forming only a picture of something more infinitely beautiful awaiting all Believers in Heaven.


The Purpose of Sex

Why did God create sex? If you're a Believer, you've probably heard NUMEROUS sermons on this topic so I won't even be-labor these popular points. Firstly, sex consummates marriage, which means to make the marriage complete. If you haven't had sex with your spouse, your marriage is essentially incomplete. Remember in Joseph and Mary's case, when Joseph was pledged to be married to Mary? It wasn't till after they underwent the customary methods to confirm their marriage that they later sealed it through sexafter having Jesus of course (Matthew 1:18-25). Similarly, Adam and Eve's marriage was confirmed by God himself—their direct kinship—and was later sealed through sex. You know the story. God then blesses Adam and Eve, telling them to be fruitful and multiply. Good to know our first ancestors got one "command" right haha! All jokes aside, we can see there that sex also exists in marriage to create life and populate the planet with God's restored image bearers. I know not all couples can have kids, but physiologically/biologically speaking, a fertile and healthy male and female body should be able to create life through sex by design. Finally, sex is one of the primary ways to sustain your marriage. Lexine, show me Bible. Patience is virtue bro! Okay the spirit-filled Apostle Paul himself gave the following advice:

1 Corinthians 7:2-6

But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.6 I say this as a concession, not as a command.

Since your bodies belong to one another, sex is a selfless act of serving your spouse and it keeps your commitment to each other airtight leaving no room for the devil's snares that so often tear marriages apart.


I just painted a biblical utopia, but in our world today, sex is "causal" and the repercussions are astronomical. The world has inverted almost every biblical principle. The pledge and the divine/societal confirmation of the marriage ought to precede sex—the consummation. But in our backwards society, we are sealing relationships with sex without first, the promise and second, the covenant level commitment before God/family/society. Without the safety net of marriage, abortion, single-parenting and adoption are the likeliest alternative for unplanned pregnancies. You know this already. Furthermore, we are HIGHLY sexual and selfish beings. This means sex and pleasure by any means necessary. Hence the gross and growing industry of perversion from meaningless sex scenes in shows, to millionaire pimps, to multi-billionaire pornography and sex trafficking businesses. This is to be expected though because we live in a fallen world. But what happens when Believers get caught up in the whirlwind of this sex tornado? Well...we go back to our anchor, Christ, and look to Scripture to reaffirm who we are.


You are a Sacred Temple

1 Corinthians 6:16-20

16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” 17 But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.
18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

Yea so if you are sleeping with your boyfriend who you hope to marry if all goes as planned, you've forged a flesh tie out of God's order; you skipped the public pledge to marry, AND the confirmation from God, family and whatever customary marriage system that exists in your society. The crux of the matter is in verse 19—you are not your own— you were bought at an exorbitant price. If you're a Believer, you may not do as you please with your temple that hosts the very Spirit of the living God. Now that Christ has justified you, you ought to yield to sanctification. Nonetheless, these words probably mean nothing to you if your treasure is in pleasing yourself and satisfying your fleshly desires. Listen, we've all been there so I will be the first to remove the giant logs in both eyes. But your speck gotta go though. How? Read Proverbs 6:20-33. Mad practical right? You have to set the Word of God before you. Bind 1st Corinthians 6:16-20 on your heart and fasten it around your neck.

Psalm 119:11

"I have treasured Your word in my heart, so that I may not sin against You."

Redemption

Celibacy until marriage is not easy by any stretch of the imagination. I would even argue that sexual sins are perhaps the most prevalent of sin struggles amongst Believers, single and married. We are not called to abstain from sexual immorality because it is easy, but because it is holy. The good news is Christ. PERIOD. Accept Christ's abundant forgiveness; accept His inexhaustible love and accept the Spirit's enabling power!

Psalm 103:12

"As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us."

I know you've been addicted and you have multiple flesh ties, but in Christ ALL things are made new. So don't wallow in guilt, dust off and revise your focus on the cross. Paul Washer made a profound statement that shook me to my core. He said something to the effect of we sin because we love it and in order to overcome sin we need to love Christ even more. MIND BLOWN! That may not have hit you yet so just reread it until it does. You've been forgiven. You've been set free from the consequence of sin aka Hell. You've been set free from sin itself and I need you to understand that the price was EXPENSIVE. It cost Jesus—THE Son of God... yes GOD Himself leaving His lavishly divine glory to subject Himself to the plights of humanity. The price for your redemption was 39 lashes lacerating the flesh off Christ's bones. The price for your freedom from sin was the deep drilling of heavy metal nails penetrating layers of flesh and bones into His hands and feet drawing the life from His mortal body... slowly. Your freedom cost Christ a supremely shameful, excruciating, and underserved death.

Philippians 2:6-8

"Who, being in very nature of God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!"

And He did this even though He knew many of you would reject Him. What manner and MAGNITUDE of love is this???!!! Believers, entrapped by a lifestyle of sin, respond to this immeasurable love with love. Respond by leaning heavily on the Holy Spirit for it is this Holy Spirit that will support you in experiencing a radical 180 repentance.


When David realized that the prophet Nathan was actually talking about his trifling behavior, David had a contrite heart at once. He cried out fervently before his God:


Psalm 51:3-4

"For I know my transgressions,

and my sin is always before me.

Against you, you only, have I sinned

and done what is evil in your sight;

so you are right in your verdict

and justified when you judge."


& Psalm 51:10

"Create in me a pure heart, O God,

and renew a steadfast spirit within me."


& Psalm 51:17

"My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;

a broken and contrite heart you,

God, will not despise."


Honestly...just read all of Psalm 51 haha! It's so good because it illuminates the internal heart process of repentance. Repentance begins with the comprehensive and thorough recognition of the very depth of our sin in light of a holy God followed by a profound desire to be made new. David didn't even have a regenerated heart like us new covenant folks yet he wished for it. And in Psalm 51:11 he even begged God to not remove the Holy Spirit from within him. So clearly we are exceedingly more privileged to have guaranteed, lifetime access to the Spirit of God. The Holy Spirit will NEVER leave you.


Repentance is not just conviction though. Repentance is conviction accompanied by the deliberate and literal turning away from sin.

Galatians 6:9

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Believe me when I tell you, real repentance is way too HARD to achieve on your own! The cure to this sin thing is in the living Word of God!!! That's why I be binging this bible alongside y'all! Early this year a friend of mine recommended I watch a podcast on biblical friendship and since watching it I have never been the same. In the podcast linked below, KB expressed that a critical part of living free from sin is confession of sin. Not in a Catholic church sense, but in the way James 5:16 describes: "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."

You might be familiar with James 5, but have you discovered the hidden gem in 1st John 1:5-10? The podcast calls this intentional act of confessing sins to God and trusted Believers, "walking in the light." Watch this podcast, then TRY it with a fellow Believer you trust. I have phenomenal "walking in the light" partners and we confess all of our sin struggles to each other frequently. Yes love, I said ALL! On our calls we confess, pray, talk about practical steps towards freedom and of course bond! When I tell you I am experiencing a new level of liberty unlike nothing else...I'm not even kidding you. It works because God's Word is true. It works because the Spirit of God bears fruit and releases different gifts through us to support one another in our walk. It works because confession shines a light on sin and sin can only survive in darkness, in secret, in the cage of your mind, and in the shadows of privacy. Yes, it is possible to completely overcome your sin struggle by "walking in the light," deploying the Word as a sword and taking up that cross—daily!

Matthew 16:24

Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wants to come after Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow Me.

What happens when we hide our sins from our Christian community and God? Hebrews 3:13 says our hearts become calloused by the sin. After what went down with Pharaoh, I want nothing to do with a hardened heart, you hear me? Set yourself free from indulging in perpetual flesh ties by:

  1. Accepting God's forgiveness,

  2. Loving Christ above all else,

  3. Storing His Word in the treasure chest of your heart,

  4. Engaging in authentic repentance and...

  5. Partaking in healthy, consistent accountability!!


"There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit." Romans 8:1

Bingers, can I get an Amen!? Live free friends! Walk in the Spirit and bear its fruit. Let's not grow weary in fighting the good and noble fight of faith together...until the very end! 🙌🏿





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